What’s Wrong With This Picture?

Lemme get this straight. The President of the United States wants to speak directly to students to encourage them to stay in school, and that’s bad, because it’ll turn them into little Communists who sing to their dear leader (um, kinda exactly like the schoolkids did for George W. Bush right after Katrina, with Laura standing there!). OK, he flies to Europe to personally promote Chicago for the 2016 Olympics, and that’s bad, because hosting the Olympics is a losing financial proposition. Just ask Glenn Beck: this drooling dickweed told his viewers that Vancouver lost millions on their Olympic Games. But they haven’t even been held yet: it’s next year, dummy! The right wing actually cheered, and I mean vocally, when our country lost the bid. Now that’s patriotism, boys and girls!

So what does a guy have to do to get a little respect: win the Nobel Peace Prize? Nope, that’s bad too, because he hadn’t been in office that long when the nominations (which he had nothing to do with) were closed! Forget about the fact that the actual voting took place only recently; the Fox dweebs already have. The left says, you can’t have a Peace Prize because you’re prosecuting two wars. The right says, you can’t have it because you haven’t done anything, because we’ve been slinging so much diversionary bullshit against every wall we can find! (Gentle readers, if contemporary newspaper records and an actual birth certificate are unacceptable, how many of you can prove that you’re native-born Americans?)

Why all this foolishness? Because to the mouth-breathers, it doesn’t matter what the issue is, just as long as Barack Obama loses. But when you have to contort yourself so far as to produce cheers for the Olympics going to Brazil, and jeers for the American president holding a Nobel Peace Prize, you’re getting mighty twisted.

A FEW DAYS LATER: I just have to record this. Glenn Beck’s immediate reaction to the Nobel Peace Prize was that it should have gone to the tea-partiers and “9/12ers” instead. Peace Prize? And Commander Rusho sez he finally agrees with the Taliban! Think, gentle readers. Just imagine the apoplexy all this might have caused had the red/blue situation been reversed: Cheney would be busy skinning Americans alive, live on Fox News! (Oh, wait, folks. Not really, haw haw. I’m just a comedian!)

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